Congressional Cocktails

Starting next week, both houses of Congress will be in session, and you know what that means: a new excuse to drink. Whether said drinking is a joyful celebration of lawmakers gathering to further the democratic process or whether it’s a drowning of your (nation’s) sorrows doesn’t matter. Drinking is drinking, and depending what party you pledge allegiance to, your tastes may vary. In fact, consumer surveys suggest that there is a marked difference in palate between Dems and Reps, so we have cocktails for you to try out during this fall session no matter where your politics lie.

Bourbon Apple Pie Sweet Tea

Republicans statistically prefer darker liquors, and nothing beats bourbon in that department. Red Staters are also often of Southern origin (hello sweet tea!) and want to conserve classic American values (hello apple pie!).

3/4 cup sweetened tea
3 tablespoons apple pie-infused bourbon
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
Club soda
Garnishes: apple slice, cinnamon stick

Directions: To make apple pie-infused bourbon, you’ll need 1 Golden Delicious apple chopped finely, 2 cinnamon sticks, 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg, and 1 bottle of your fave (American made, of course) bourbon. Combine in a jar and let the flavors infuse for four days. Then, combine with sweetened tea and fresh lemon juice in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Cover and shake vigorously until the mixture is thoroughly chilled. Strain into a glass. Top with club soda. Garnish that baby and then drink to the red, white, and blue.

Yuzu Margarita

Democrats statistically prefer clear liquors, and are known for wanting to push beyond borders to include cultures from around the world, so this combination of Mexican and Asian influences is sure to make any Blue Stater excited about the possibilities of a more inclusive society.

2 ounces tequila
1/2 ounce fresh lime juice
1/2 ounce Yuzu juice
3/4 ounce Cointreau
1/2 ounce mixed agave honey syrup
Shiso Leaf
Garnish: lime wheel

Directions: Shake all the ingredients well with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lime wheel. Toast to diversity and the America of the future!

Lemon Shandy

Independents don’t ally with either side of the aisle, so their tastes are much harder to pin down. That said, Bernie Sanders loves beer. Jill Stein loves beer. And you know, Ralph Nader probably likes beer, too. (Or he thinks it’s junk food but we digress.) Whatever Independents like to drink, they are sure as hell gonna do it their own way, even if the Dems and Reps think they’re crazy. Given that, mixing a beer and a lemonade is pretty on point.

1 quarter cup of lemonade
1 cup of beer
Garnish: fresh mint leaves

Directions: Start with a quarter cup of lemonade and add a cup of your favorite beer, then add more of whichever you prefer to taste. Add a few fresh mint leaves as a garnish. As you drink up, let everyone know just how broken our two-party system is.